View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!" _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions.
On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?"
The blonde responded, "20, right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these
implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I
pulled the trigger. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 9:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!" _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...'Two popsicles and some coffee.' |
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 5:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way. _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving. _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 6:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
Three blondes are on a nature hike.
The first says "Look, rabbit tracks!"
The second replies "No... no... those are bear tracks."
The third one got hit by the train. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
That would be very difficult to crack though. _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed Listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed And her husband says "The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it! |
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 9:07 am Post subject: |
|
|
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Ruth were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Ruth, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.' Ruth got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!' |
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 8:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A drunk is sitting in a bar. There is a very buxom
Blonde a few seats down from him with breasts size 44DD'S.
A fellow at the end of the bar calls for a beer. The
Bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It
Hits the lady's breasts and spills all over them. The
Bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the
Beer off of her breasts.
This happens a couple more times.
The next time , the drunk jumps up and starts to lick
Her breasts. She decks him! He's laying on the floor
Moaning and groaning.
'Why do you let the bartender do it and Not me?'
'Because he has............
A LICKER LICENSE! _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
lonewolfz28 Almost "THE MAN!"
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 7664 Location: Crown Point, NY
|
Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists." |
|
Back to top |
|
|
goobee Flunky
Joined: 06 Sep 2004 Posts: 11523 Location: Sunny California
|
Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.
The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
|