Blond Joke Thread

lonewolfz28 · Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 10:41 pm Post subject: Blond Joke Thread

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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goobee · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 8:47 pm Post subject:

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde in a convertible sports
car for speeding. She walks over to the car and asks the blonde driver for
some I.D. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain.
Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"

The blonde police officer tells her, "it's that thing with your picture on
it."

The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact,
opens it, and sure enough sees her picture. She hands the compact to the
blonde cop.

The blonde cop looks at the compact for a few seconds, then rolls her eyes,
hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver, and says, "If you
had told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over, we could
have avoided this whole thing."
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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2004 11:20 pm Post subject:

One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.

"There must be something you would have of me," said God.

"Well, there is one thing," she said.

"Just name it, said God.

"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."

"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."

"There is one other thing. But it's really small, and not even worth your time," said the nun.

"Name it, please," said God.

"Well, it's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel."
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goobee · Posted: Fri Dec 10, 2004 12:32 am Post subject:

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is, my stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'!!!"
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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Fri Dec 10, 2004 9:58 am Post subject:

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. The truck driver motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, “Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!”.
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
“Oh you think that’s funny.? Watch this!” He gets a baseball bat out of His truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres. Now she’s laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling over.
“What’s so funny?” the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle."
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goobee · Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 11:48 am Post subject:

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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 12:04 pm Post subject:

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'

The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.

So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.

The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
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goobee · Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 8:36 pm Post subject:

Why do blondes have more fun?

They are easier to keep amused.
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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:24 am Post subject:

A blonde joke for today: 80,000 blondes meet at the Wembley Stadium for a
"Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The master of ceremonies says, "We are all
here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a
volunteer?"
One blonde steps up, so the master of ceremonies asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Eighteen."
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start chanting,
"Give her another chance, give her another chance."
The master of ceremonies says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 of you here and the World Wide Press, I guess we can give her another
chance." So, asks her, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Ninety."
The master of ceremonies sighs. Everyone is crestfallen and the blonde starts
crying. Again, the 80,000 girls start chanting, "Give her another chance, give
her another chance."
Unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, the master of
ceremonies finally says, "Okay! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"
After 15 or 20 seconds, she replies, "Four."
The stadium of 80,000 blondes start chanting, "Give her another chance, give her
another chance."
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goobee · Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:01 am Post subject:

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 3:00 am Post subject:

A blonde gets on a elevator and a man is standing there and she turned and smiled at him and said; "Hi.....T.G.I.F." " S.H.I.T. " replied the man

"Excuse me...how rude T.G.I.F." responded the blonde "S.H.I.T." replied that man

"Maybe you don't know what I am saying, T.G.I.F means Thank Goodness It's Friday!"

" You didn't understand me, S.H.I.T ....."Sorry honey, it's Thursday"
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goobee · Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 7:57 pm Post subject:

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 8:25 pm Post subject:

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off

"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"

"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6,000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened." So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger."
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goobee · Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:21 pm Post subject:

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.
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lonewolfz28 · Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:51 pm Post subject:

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She
says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so
the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the
street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The
bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president
and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls
as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to
drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which
comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a
little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies. "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks
for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?". A smart blonde.
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